Regrets.

I stand here and there,
Sit there and where.
Thinking why I feel and think the way I do.
Am I alone on these thoughts?
Could anyone out there understand it?
To me, no one could.
To me, why would they want to?
I live in a world of sin,
To achieve a smile, I did the most outrageous things.
I lowered my standards,
Accepted what I needed no acceptance for.
I truly walked alone in a cult full of look-a-likes.
How unique am I now?
Was this my intention?
One minute inside my head,
The next out the door.
No goodbye, no hello.
Left the highs to walk down to the lows, a cello.
I had changed my persona,
I had changed my skins.
I had changed my worries,
To meaningless grins.
I didn't know who I was anymore,
Though, I had an idea.
I gave up the most important things for
A better version of a time I wanted to be living in.
I stood as a copy,
I sat as a photograph.
I replicated every one and thing around me,
To fit in.
The intention to never being seen again.
I was wrong.
I was shamed.
I was even saddened by the sound of my name.
So I picked myself up,
Found a love in me, through a pen.
Couldn't stand looking like those around me,
I shed the skin once and then once more again.
I closed my eyes,
Dreamed of being younger.
No worries anymore.
Nothing on my mind but lunch.
The smell of the summer afternoon,
The taste after the loudest crunch.
The ball passing left and right,
The swish of a net.
Now thinking back,
How could I have thought those evils.
One more thing on my list of regret.