Even though,

I feel a calm.
The wind isn't blowing as hard today,
But the energy in me is going as hard as if it was a storm inside of me.
Frustrated,
I play the prince and the pauper.
Which way will I turn?
Which face will they yearn?
I need to get out of my element.
Out of my zone.
Out of my circle.
It seems things went haywire,
And everything's been compromised.
My attempts at success,
All failures.
Even though, I keep at my goals.
I never gave up,
Don't think I ever will.
I'm strong and I'm ill.
A deadly combination,
Yet my only fall to temptation
is a relation based on life's trials
Through emulation.
I need a wave of relaxation.
This life of mine's the longest journey,
Yet it doesn't travel as fast or as slow at times like I need it.
I see a future based on dreams.
Any of my dreams would be nice.
I need a sedation.
Even though, I sedate myself regularly.
It's never enough.
I need a real high.
A high no drug,
No emotion,
No activity can provide.
I wanna be high on life.
Life should be the only high.

Tomorrow is coming

Today I leave you all with the peace of mind.
Tomorrow is coming,
So today shouldn't have to go less than fine.
Should it go this way,
Tomorrow is coming.
A new day to start,
A new chance to break apart
From the negativity people leave on your shoulders,
The talk behind your only back,
The crud they left under your shoes,
When you stepped out to take your drag.
Tomorrow is coming.
Any issues unresolved will be solved on their own.
Leave the garbage thrown at your face on the floor,
I don't want to keep hearing the blame.
I'm a bad friend,
A bad voice,
A bad try.
I know not what I do,
I thought I was doing by you right.
Those who have left me,
They left for the better.
Only to find out,
The better is what they left behind.
I'm not bigger,
I'm not smaller.
I'm just me.
If you can't handle this,
Or expected more than what you see,
I apologize in advance.
I'm done dealing with the insecurity.
This is me.
I can't wait for tomorrow.
Tomorrow is coming.

Useless?

Why am I unlucky?
Do my choices make me smaller?
I used to feel tall,
Now it's getting smaller and smaller.
I think of myself,
I think of my choices.
I hear those screams in my head,
They sound like me with voice on top of voices.
I can't sit still.
My mind is a wander.
I think I should leave this place,
Let my self get cleared while I ponder.
I don't have money.
I don't even have time.
I think this could be a mistake.
It's my mistake, however, all mine.
They said I was somebody.
That somebody was me.
I forgot what I used to do.
I forgot things that made me happy.
I want to let go.
I want my true being to show.
I don't think its there anymore.
I don't think anyone could care at all.
I care for those who are like me and not.
I feel bad for those driven by greed,
And those driven to stop.
I want to let go of my fears.
Let go of my insecurities.
I don't think its possible.
Maybe it is.
I should hurry.

Surpassing.

Last month.
Last year.
Yesterday.
All gone before my eyes.
I could never find satisfaction in the old.
Seeing new things, gave me joy.
Joy that could never last long enough.
This month.
This year.
Today.
Right here before my eyes.
I want to find and hold to satisfaction in the new.
Seeing old things, will cause me to remember good memories.
Memories that are no longer around, yet vivid in my mind.
Next month.
Next Year.
Tomorrow.
Not yet seen, but I await with these eyes.
If I have found satisfaction, I will be grateful.
Recollecting everything, even thoughts help the move.
Movement I can only endure as well as participate.
I am ready for everyday,
I just need my own heart to follow.

What If I...

What if I were somebody important,
Making big decisions onto big ideas.
What if I had the will to exceed in life,
Better than how I let myself be treated.
I could solve the world's problems.
I could save every dime.
I could save a race of humans,
Within one blink for each eye.
I could be a master of sciences.
I could be a general of militias.
I could be a saxophone player,
I could be head chef in a kitchen.
But I am none of those things,
I won't even try.
I'm just too picky,
And get bored very fast, every time.
I have no motivation,
I've lost the reason to groove.
Someone should push me,
But it's me who won't move.
I've let myself be satisfied with what I have.
The time I'll waste will be gone.
Tomorrow is a new day,
I can't stop singing yesterday's song.
I'm compelled to speak my mind,
Yet I have shut my mouth.
The last time was an outrage they said.
I didn't want to punish the crowd.
I don't know where to move from this feeling.
I'm sure one day I'll find
The reason to be again.
This I know is truth.
Just when will the time, be time.

The Eagle Eye

They seek me from a distance.
So far, yet so close I could almost listen.
Reading mouths,
They talked about so-called funny things.
How some were not privileged,
And suffering was a game,
The taste of acid wouldn't even sting.
Diamond rings, rings of fire.
They want all that a sultan asks for,
In his slumbers and in his desires.
His empire,
So cautious.
To overthrow a tyrant meant risking it all
The thought made them nauseous.
We want our freedom,
We seek the enemy.
They paced by close.
I could spot them,
There's less than 33.
They want my knowledge,
The power I hold they seek.
My power is not what they think it is,
They have over-exaggerated my peak.
I leaked,
Every possible clue to make them think I went left.
I had to stay right.
My mind was in turmoil,
Running was no option,
Fleeing would only cause me to foil.
Every plan I have,
Every blueprint they need,
I have tattooed into my mind,
I've sown my mouth shut,
What can they possibly get out of me?
Being afraid,
Has finally settled down.
I am here today,
No king,
Do you see a crown?
My mind is vast,
I can hear the sound repeating in my head.
Boom, Bam, Blast.
At last.
They have come to rescue me.
The duo of sorts.
A kingdom for me,
Only if I share it, of course.

Time and Change

I have seen the days go back and forth.
Yesterday became forever ago.
Today will become never more.
I wonder why time flies the way it does.
Yesterday I was doing so much.
Today I'm forced to do more than needed.
That struggle compiles on top of one another after the other.
The times change, and so does the mood.
My heart says to stay steady and to keep my ground.
The clock says to hurry it up, before all that time all lost.
I have paced up my work,
I have shortened my desire.
Tomorrow I think I will break free from those chains.
Let them rot in that old fire.
To reignite my life,
I will do more than I could imagine.
I will prepare myself for the worst,
But expect that sort of thing to not happen.
I won't wait for an opportunity,
But instead I will create one.
In doing so,
I will pass on my deeds to others,
I could use some help,
And maybe others might need some.
I don't need to live by the rules,
But I don't need to break so many.
I feel insecure at times,
But today I am ready.
I am ready.

Regrets.

I stand here and there,
Sit there and where.
Thinking why I feel and think the way I do.
Am I alone on these thoughts?
Could anyone out there understand it?
To me, no one could.
To me, why would they want to?
I live in a world of sin,
To achieve a smile, I did the most outrageous things.
I lowered my standards,
Accepted what I needed no acceptance for.
I truly walked alone in a cult full of look-a-likes.
How unique am I now?
Was this my intention?
One minute inside my head,
The next out the door.
No goodbye, no hello.
Left the highs to walk down to the lows, a cello.
I had changed my persona,
I had changed my skins.
I had changed my worries,
To meaningless grins.
I didn't know who I was anymore,
Though, I had an idea.
I gave up the most important things for
A better version of a time I wanted to be living in.
I stood as a copy,
I sat as a photograph.
I replicated every one and thing around me,
To fit in.
The intention to never being seen again.
I was wrong.
I was shamed.
I was even saddened by the sound of my name.
So I picked myself up,
Found a love in me, through a pen.
Couldn't stand looking like those around me,
I shed the skin once and then once more again.
I closed my eyes,
Dreamed of being younger.
No worries anymore.
Nothing on my mind but lunch.
The smell of the summer afternoon,
The taste after the loudest crunch.
The ball passing left and right,
The swish of a net.
Now thinking back,
How could I have thought those evils.
One more thing on my list of regret.

Blood And Sweat

The champion in me says "wait".
The fighter in me says "why?".
These exact same roads have been crossed time and time again.
My soul is searching for purpose, but I have lost part of my sight.
In the circle, there are no friends or enemies; just obstacles.
There are no lost loves, nor is there treason.
I am my own army, I am my own reason.
These iron thoughts have turned my fists into hammers,
My mind into stone.
I awoke today feeling empty, yet full of fuel.
The road to gold, is one walked alone.
My life is as rocky as the pavement,
My emotions run wild like the racing stallions.
No heart has earned more valor,
No eyes have seen this much failure.
My idea of sanity is pain.
Without pain, I am unreal.
One in the same,
A fiend to this game.

Chains and Anchors

The time was setting into my skull.
The date was embedded into my brain.
These days were a lot harder than I had imagined them to be,
And I have weighed in far more than the wait.
Though I am a face worth painting,
I cannot be a face worth for saving.
The ugly truths behind the eyes of a wolf,
The pains of a hunger so angry I cannot feel anything.
I have always been an impatient client of this world's ugly trended business.
There have been many times where scars became permanent,
While other wounds healed.
Some would call the ways of the flow different.
Perhaps this is emotion in motion,
How do you feel?
Still I remain in place,
Thinking of what next to say.
I am speechless for the world took my breathe away.
They took my passions,
They soiled my pride.
They beat me inside,
And the timing was right.
A citizen of need.
A governor of want.
The plague tried to swipe me,
To me it was just another day in the swamp.

A Train of Thought

I sit in my seat dreaming of things.
The way smells and sights used to be more than minute flings.
I sat around placing them all.
Any noise or sight would cause them to fall.
I could hear the waves of laughter in my ears,
But there were no children to be found.
No lives reaching out for a pause,
No questions about it, the drowning of sound.
I still sit there dreaming,
Walking through a fog.
A mist that took away the reality I lived in,
Placing me in a world of wild scenes and songs.
I sang to myself, then along with the wild.
They seemed extra quiet today,
Even with mouths wide open to see them screaming,
They were pleasantly mild.
Yet I still begin to dream again,
Walking to another mystery,
I lost myself today,
No place known in history.
No maps for guidance,
No footprints to follow.
I was lost in my mind.
I was lost in the time.
To stop now was cruel,
But the radio came on,
This was the end of that song,
The end of that day was near,
And I had twelve other places to wallow.
Could this be sorrow?
Perhaps the question will be answered tomorrow.

Broken Promises, Empty Pockets

These days in the recession as they so call it, have been nothing but a blur to most and most certainly crazy for others.

Banks raising interest on credit cards, charging overdraft fees for every single time your check deposited the day after of 30 minutes after closing.
Your cell provider making things more complicated while giving you the runaround wasting your time, money, and patience.

Where do we go when there are no more walls to lean against? No sidewalks or stoops to sit down on? No breathing room for me, or for you?

The problem in today's world is greed and well...a little more greed.
Our country became greedy, causing us to do the same almost as far as material things, and then bad bets lost credibility to our so called glorious system. We in turn lost our own credibility to keep a good reputation with wealth.

No one is fooled by these thieves. But we sank in and fooled ourselves.
Put things off, just like they wanted us to.
They made a bet with our money, lost it, and we are now paying for it.
Then we made the same bets, lost, and cried about it.

Banks all over have had system errors, causing you to waste your cellphone minutes to stay on the line for half hour. What about the only phone you could possibly have, the prepaid?
Then there's the few of us who knew the system well enough to use a land line, but at one time and one time only had to use the pre paid or cell phone to make the call and wasted 30 - 45 minutes just waiting for an answer to a possible overdraft fee or charge incurred for no reason, or bank error.

No matter how you look at this, we are in for a run.
No marathons here. Call it the treadmill that malfunctioned and wont turn off, and its going too fast for you to jump off and get to the plug.......
Exactly..


Savings are down.
Prices are up.
Morale is low.
Depression is high.

What do we do?

We do what we always do.

Devise a plan. Stick to it for a week. Switch it up to keep things shaking, and then find yourself against the pillows on the biggest couch to breathe and relax.

or..

Devise a plan, screw the plan, come up with a million dollar scheme and drain into a bigger hole, or possibly build a mound. How far could you take your efforts?

Point is. Everything's going down, but don't give up.
Fight for your money earned.
Start this new year with a plan that you know IS achievable.
Hook it up.
Run.
Bring your water bottle, too.
This time we ride the road.
Nature's original path.


And that's Real Talk.