Regrets.

I stand here and there,
Sit there and where.
Thinking why I feel and think the way I do.
Am I alone on these thoughts?
Could anyone out there understand it?
To me, no one could.
To me, why would they want to?
I live in a world of sin,
To achieve a smile, I did the most outrageous things.
I lowered my standards,
Accepted what I needed no acceptance for.
I truly walked alone in a cult full of look-a-likes.
How unique am I now?
Was this my intention?
One minute inside my head,
The next out the door.
No goodbye, no hello.
Left the highs to walk down to the lows, a cello.
I had changed my persona,
I had changed my skins.
I had changed my worries,
To meaningless grins.
I didn't know who I was anymore,
Though, I had an idea.
I gave up the most important things for
A better version of a time I wanted to be living in.
I stood as a copy,
I sat as a photograph.
I replicated every one and thing around me,
To fit in.
The intention to never being seen again.
I was wrong.
I was shamed.
I was even saddened by the sound of my name.
So I picked myself up,
Found a love in me, through a pen.
Couldn't stand looking like those around me,
I shed the skin once and then once more again.
I closed my eyes,
Dreamed of being younger.
No worries anymore.
Nothing on my mind but lunch.
The smell of the summer afternoon,
The taste after the loudest crunch.
The ball passing left and right,
The swish of a net.
Now thinking back,
How could I have thought those evils.
One more thing on my list of regret.

Blood And Sweat

The champion in me says "wait".
The fighter in me says "why?".
These exact same roads have been crossed time and time again.
My soul is searching for purpose, but I have lost part of my sight.
In the circle, there are no friends or enemies; just obstacles.
There are no lost loves, nor is there treason.
I am my own army, I am my own reason.
These iron thoughts have turned my fists into hammers,
My mind into stone.
I awoke today feeling empty, yet full of fuel.
The road to gold, is one walked alone.
My life is as rocky as the pavement,
My emotions run wild like the racing stallions.
No heart has earned more valor,
No eyes have seen this much failure.
My idea of sanity is pain.
Without pain, I am unreal.
One in the same,
A fiend to this game.

Chains and Anchors

The time was setting into my skull.
The date was embedded into my brain.
These days were a lot harder than I had imagined them to be,
And I have weighed in far more than the wait.
Though I am a face worth painting,
I cannot be a face worth for saving.
The ugly truths behind the eyes of a wolf,
The pains of a hunger so angry I cannot feel anything.
I have always been an impatient client of this world's ugly trended business.
There have been many times where scars became permanent,
While other wounds healed.
Some would call the ways of the flow different.
Perhaps this is emotion in motion,
How do you feel?
Still I remain in place,
Thinking of what next to say.
I am speechless for the world took my breathe away.
They took my passions,
They soiled my pride.
They beat me inside,
And the timing was right.
A citizen of need.
A governor of want.
The plague tried to swipe me,
To me it was just another day in the swamp.

A Train of Thought

I sit in my seat dreaming of things.
The way smells and sights used to be more than minute flings.
I sat around placing them all.
Any noise or sight would cause them to fall.
I could hear the waves of laughter in my ears,
But there were no children to be found.
No lives reaching out for a pause,
No questions about it, the drowning of sound.
I still sit there dreaming,
Walking through a fog.
A mist that took away the reality I lived in,
Placing me in a world of wild scenes and songs.
I sang to myself, then along with the wild.
They seemed extra quiet today,
Even with mouths wide open to see them screaming,
They were pleasantly mild.
Yet I still begin to dream again,
Walking to another mystery,
I lost myself today,
No place known in history.
No maps for guidance,
No footprints to follow.
I was lost in my mind.
I was lost in the time.
To stop now was cruel,
But the radio came on,
This was the end of that song,
The end of that day was near,
And I had twelve other places to wallow.
Could this be sorrow?
Perhaps the question will be answered tomorrow.

Broken Promises, Empty Pockets

These days in the recession as they so call it, have been nothing but a blur to most and most certainly crazy for others.

Banks raising interest on credit cards, charging overdraft fees for every single time your check deposited the day after of 30 minutes after closing.
Your cell provider making things more complicated while giving you the runaround wasting your time, money, and patience.

Where do we go when there are no more walls to lean against? No sidewalks or stoops to sit down on? No breathing room for me, or for you?

The problem in today's world is greed and well...a little more greed.
Our country became greedy, causing us to do the same almost as far as material things, and then bad bets lost credibility to our so called glorious system. We in turn lost our own credibility to keep a good reputation with wealth.

No one is fooled by these thieves. But we sank in and fooled ourselves.
Put things off, just like they wanted us to.
They made a bet with our money, lost it, and we are now paying for it.
Then we made the same bets, lost, and cried about it.

Banks all over have had system errors, causing you to waste your cellphone minutes to stay on the line for half hour. What about the only phone you could possibly have, the prepaid?
Then there's the few of us who knew the system well enough to use a land line, but at one time and one time only had to use the pre paid or cell phone to make the call and wasted 30 - 45 minutes just waiting for an answer to a possible overdraft fee or charge incurred for no reason, or bank error.

No matter how you look at this, we are in for a run.
No marathons here. Call it the treadmill that malfunctioned and wont turn off, and its going too fast for you to jump off and get to the plug.......
Exactly..


Savings are down.
Prices are up.
Morale is low.
Depression is high.

What do we do?

We do what we always do.

Devise a plan. Stick to it for a week. Switch it up to keep things shaking, and then find yourself against the pillows on the biggest couch to breathe and relax.

or..

Devise a plan, screw the plan, come up with a million dollar scheme and drain into a bigger hole, or possibly build a mound. How far could you take your efforts?

Point is. Everything's going down, but don't give up.
Fight for your money earned.
Start this new year with a plan that you know IS achievable.
Hook it up.
Run.
Bring your water bottle, too.
This time we ride the road.
Nature's original path.


And that's Real Talk.

Friend or Foe

You can go back and forth in your head about the haters and the fakers and the whoever.
Thinking back to Jay-Z's song "Friend or Foe" you really begin to see the clear view. We all go through the same things.

People come and go.
People pretend.
Some don't wont show.

Some who you never thought were even your friends, are closer than those you honestly thought were.


A quote from a reader...

"the goal in life shouldn't be to try and have as many friends as possible..

it should be finding good ppl..

ppl who wont f*ck u over..

ppl who will go out and beyond of their way for you."

People this is as true as the sky is the color it seems to be to you.
Remember each person who hurts you. You don't have to get them back, that'll happen regardless whether your there or not so be sure you don't get it back again just for being there, let it sort itself out.

The point is to know who will be there for the long run, not for the time being.
Those who might seem to wanna help you but only want to help themselves.

Be in mind, some don;t know right or wrong as far as what you see it, doesn't mean you have to compromise your morals. Be yourself. Follow your heart. Leave the excess baggage behind, no matter how much you wanted to bring it along. It just wasn't meant to be. Everything that is... will be. Promise.

And that's Real Talk.

The world spinning out of focus

Today we remember the days when things used to be simple.
Things were easier to maintain.
Life was fast, but not to the point where we forgot where the time went.
These days are short, but worth every second of every minute of every hour.

I beg you all to take a look at the years prior through photos, notes, crafts, or anything you have.
See where you've been.
What did you do different?
Who or What was the main focus?
What have you accomplished compared to this year?
Do you feel the same?
What are your plans for next year?